fuck what you know...

bite_to_break @ 2005-09-21T14:29:00

2005-09-22T05:33:38Z

i am in love!!!

2,000 some odd miles don't matter do they?

The Spill Canvas

2005-08-11T07:42:27Z

"Staplegunned"

It was in the lobby when I set my sights on you
Shoulda kissed you in the elevator,
but I was too scared to
It was in the morning when I made up my mind
I want you staple-gunned right to my side all of the time
Woah

Do I have to spell it out to you
or scream it in your face?
Oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place
Do I have to spell it out for you
or whisper in your ear?
Oh, just stop right there
I think that we've got something here

We were all alone when I finally made a pass at you
It didn't work, and no it never does,
but you know how I do
We were on the phone when I made up my mind
I want you staple-gunned right to my side all of the time
Woah

Do I have to spell it our to you
or scream it in your face?
Oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place
Do I have to spell it out for you
or whisper in your ear?
Oh, just stop right there
I think that we've got something here

Do I have to spell it our to you
or scream it in your face?
Oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place
Do I have to spell it out for you
or whisper in your ear?
Oh, just stop right there
I think that we've got something here

bite_to_break @ 2005-08-09T15:17:00

2005-08-10T06:11:48Z

so monday was my moms b-day.and i have yet to send her anything.i know that sounds fucked up and it is,but i havent said a single word to her since she went to prison.i just dont know what to say to her.so thats why i havent said anything.

i just dont know how to get the words out.........

maybe i will tomorrow if i can work up the courage to write how i feel

urg fuck i hate stress.

bite_to_break @ 2005-08-08T15:53:00

2005-08-09T04:43:53Z

so your leaving
and as time stands still
and only memories remain
i try and forget but i can't not remember
the days when i was happy

when we all felt alive

so then she says
just live in the moment
for that could be all thats left of us

it funny how you say
dont call me ill call you
but i still do
i guess i am addicted to what i cannot have

so when you leave
please dont forget me
and when the other boys arent even close to like me
i hope you regret not opening up
because i am opening up to you

bite_to_break @ 2005-08-07T14:55:00

2005-08-08T02:44:04Z

wow so i havent wrote in this thing forever..but i needed to write some things down to vent.

i am going crazy.i fell for someone who only wants me for one thing.and its breaking my heart not to be able to have her as mine.shes leaving in a month for college anyways.i am a fucking idoit.i always want what i cannot have and its killing me.shes amazing,beautiful,smart,sarcastic and just fun to be around.

i feel like i am nuthing to her but a good time.and i am too weak to tell her i can't see her anymore because when i am with her i am happy like i used to be.....

bite_to_break @ 2005-03-11T00:49:00

2005-03-11T08:05:05Z

life is soo fucking good right now!!i love my baybee more than ever and i am having a blast and i hope it never ends!

so last night was the this providence show and they blew me away!there cd is seriously sooo good and there going to blow up.so after the show we showed this providence what good mexican food was and went to armondos.haha good times.then we wen't to chee's house and helped them unpack some of the stuff in there trailor.

i got them lost trying to go to kinko's lol i felt bad cuz for a while we didnt know where the hell we were.after than we went back to the house and fucked around with ebaumsworld and myspace haha.i didnt sleep at all that night cuz me,phil(there bassit) and dustin(there roadie)stayed up talking about everything possible.but it mostly had to do with religion and how i need to straight up and stop being so selfish and devote me life to sumthing other than myself.i learned alote from them.hopely i will use it.

so check out this providence pleasee!
purevolume.com/thisprovidence
myspace.com/thisprovidence
thisprovidence.com

attention attention attention may i have all your eyes and ears to the front on the classroom

2005-02-19T21:48:04Z

did i mention when i see you it stings like hell?

so urg i am getting sick!!

this week has been sucking ass.i havent seen tina since wensday and it hurts my heart.damn the 10 mile distance!!!and i have to wait till monday to see her.but i got a sweet suprise for her if everything goes to plan.

i got to hang out with cindy and brittney last night!it was pretty fun.i saw rachel,it was werid i havent seen her in forever and a day.and i saw a couple other ppl i wish i didn't.then we went to zia and i got the new the academy is... cd.its amazingly good and i canot wait to see them with midtown and the gym class heroes.after that we went to dairyqueen and cindy took me home.

i had a very good time but i could help but miss tina and feel like depressed when i saw couples holding hands at the mall...

so take back eveything you said,you didnt mean a word of it,you never did.

bite_to_break @ 2005-02-14T20:50:00

2005-02-15T03:59:59Z

soo me and my baybee had the bestest v-day ever!!!i just wish i could have done more for her.we even got to have a picnic in the park with pizza lunchables woop woop!yup i feel pretty loved today!!!!

so me and tina went to the olive-garden with my mom.had a good time and i ate way to much.so shit came up and i am moving in with her on thursday or friday.i am scared about it that,it changes everything.i will probley have to change schools to a closer alt school.i am super scared to tell my dad when he gets home from work tonight.i dunno how hes going to deal with it?hes already pissed at me cuz he found out i have been missing school and making it up today cuz of my problems(please dont make me explain)and me and him might get into another fist fight.hope everything turns out well.i think i would be so much happier with my mom.being closer to tina,having a truck to use,being treated like a 18 year old,and not having the stress my dad puts on me.

wish me luck....

and oh yeah UNEARTH and NORMA JEAN kicked major ass saturday!!!!!!!!

what makes me think of you is this heart on my sleeve

2005-02-11T07:35:01Z

me and my baybee's song lol

"The Creature Walks" by HE IS LEGEND

Can you find my angel?
She crawled under the bed
I think I saw her breathing
But found out she was dead
It is too late
It is over
Can't you feel these dreams (it's over)
Message to the queen (it's over)
The baby stops breathing (it's over)
Can't you feel these dreams?
It's over

Could you call a doctor who could stop by at nine?
I had planned this day for dying
But now I'm feeling fine
Can't you feel these dreams (it's over)
Message to the queen (it's over)
The Baby stops breathing (it's over)
Can't you feel these dreams?
It's over

The Creature is walking

I've got to find a new passage way
I've got to get home by Saturday
Queen to Castle, Church to Nun
What a wicked web I've spun
I've go to get home by Saturday
So I have to find a new passage way
I've got a car with no place to go
"HOW BOUT A LITTLE FIRE SCARECROW?"

Wake yourself up
You've been dreaming
About having new friends in a ghost town

Can't you feel these dreams (it's over)
Message to the Queen (it's over)
The Baby stops breathing (it's over)
Can't you feel these dreams (it's over)
It's over

------------------------------------------------------
soo i am ohh soo fucking excited to see unearth and norma jean saturday woop woop its going to be crazy!!!and i am glad i will get to spend one hell of a time with my little woman haah.god i love her so much!!!!!!!

bite_to_break @ 2005-02-09T16:17:00

2005-02-09T23:13:27Z

I close my eyes
Wish I were sleeping where you are now
My world goes blank when your not here

I owe my life
To the love that changed me for the better
I have given you everything i have
In your hands is my heart

As long as you’re with me
The sun doesn’t need to shine

No one knows the future
Just like we can't change the past
But I will do what’s right to me this last

So I promise I will be a thief and steal your kisses forever
And all I can hope is to treat you like I should
Planning out our future hand in hand
So when memories fade we got each other
And when I hold you I hold my all

bite_to_break @ 2005-02-07T14:30:00

2005-02-07T21:50:35Z

WOW so v-day is comeing up very very soon.on that day its also my and tinseys 5 months lol!five months is like the longest i have ever ever been with someone.i love her soo freakin much and cannot wait to see what the future holds for me and her.

so me and tina havent really argued at all for the last two weeks.we finally got off our asses and worked on US,and its become soooo much better.i am alote more happier now and i havent gotten mad at her in a while.i think we were just ina fluke and i just took some time for us to get outa it!

I LOVE TINA ANNE JESSUP LIKE WHOAAA

bite_to_break @ 2005-02-07T14:16:00

2005-02-07T21:13:37Z

Out of the box, out of the kitchen. Out of the world she's grown so
fearful of. So fearful of. I don't ever want to see you again. I don't
ever want to see you again, my friend. This is the end. Out of the
house, she grabs the keys, runs for the hills and doesn't leave a
letter. That way the impact will be much better. Away from the man that
she's grown so fearful of. So fearful of. I don't ever want to see you
again. I don't ever want to see you again. Why oh why do you wear
sunglasses in the home when the sun went down about an hour ago? Life
should not be that way. Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you
speak. Speak now, or forever hold your peace in pieces. Now that I'm
grown, I've seen marriages fall to pieces. Now that I'm grown, I've
seen friendships fall to pieces. Weekend warriors, and our best friends.
The writers weren't kidding about how all good things must end. Then
again some things are far too good to go ahead and let go. Speak now or forever hold your peace... We won't forget Tony or Johnny.
No matter how they miss us they still wish us the best on the road.
Garrett took a plane to Paris, France. Now he's cooking up entrees for
the pretty, pretty French girls. Bookends, Blue and Clarity, to The Wall
and Grace. Darkside, Wish, and a toast to late Figure 8. Weekend
warriors, and our best friends. The writers weren't kidding, but the
good things will live in our hearts.

bite_to_break @ 2005-02-01T12:42:00

2005-02-01T19:48:07Z

so i dont know what to do anymore with anything.i am so stressed out and i am going crazy over stupid stuff.me and tina are haveing the same problems still that we have been trying to fix for the last month,and its getting hard on me.i love her so much but a part of me is starting to want out,thou its little it hurts my heart so bad.

we talked all last night.it was pretty bad we were both crying and just feeling like our hearts have been stepped on with high heels...we have to fix all of this or we are going to hate each other,and my heart couldnt go throught that.i am a ass when i am in a bad mood and i kinda take it out on her and it makes me feel like utter shit.i am trying so bad to change but i guess i have just thought about it and not acually done it.why is this so hard??why must i fail at everything i try and do.

shes coming over today hopely and me and her need to seriously work out everything or do sumthing that would kill me.i cant leave her,i depend on her.shes my best friend and i would be back being depressed withou her.i don't think iam strong enought to let her go even if i wanted to.i am to weak.i just wish with all my heart that i can be the person she needs me to be...

i wish i could fix my self to be a better person....

bite_to_break @ 2005-01-31T14:31:00

2005-01-31T21:27:54Z

[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
[02] I will then tell what song[s] remind me of you.
[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated/otheriwse,unless I can't think of someone.
[04] Last, i will try to name a single word that best describes you.
[05] Put this in your journal

if it helps you fall asleep

2005-01-17T03:41:01Z

So i dunno whats been up with me latley,the last couple months ive been a very jealous boyfriend and its driving me crazy.it sucks i just feel like i have this untrusting voice in the back of my head and i dunno how to get it out.ive never ever been like this in my whole life,and i dont know why i started now?i really dont have a reason not to trust her but i dont 100% and its really shit cuz its me not her......

so mine and her's four month thing was fun.we went to the mall she shopped for cloths.then we went to applebee's and i got to see chels so that was cool.i love tina alote i just dont want my trust issues to break us apart.thats one of my biggest fears but maybe this is just a phase or sumthing.

I LOVE MY TINSEY

blacking out but its becoming clear?

2005-01-14T07:08:58Z

Can we believe what’s said?
In our souls?
Were all empty waiting to be whole?

Why is this so hard?
Sometimes I feel I am better off on my own

Broken hearts that cant not heal
I do need some help
Actually a lot

This is who I am now
You made me the untrusting black heart I am today
Do you feel like you raised me?
Fuck you
This isn’t the truth
This isn’t real
This is everything but true
I will never believe in you

I can’t fake this anymore
I wish you were just a memory
Can’t you see your not helping?

Fuck you and your unrealistic dream of me loving you
Why cant you just stay gone
Every morning you’re awake is a day I am in pain

where going to party tonight

2005-01-12T08:20:50Z

so ive been listening to the new etid song!its fucking amazing and everyone should go take a listen or two or three lol http://www.myspace.com/ferretmusic.

so today was good.got to see my baybee and snuggle while watching anchorman with will ferrel lol funny funny shit.the best part of the movie is the jack black part when he kicks the dog in the river lol priceless!!

i think i got a job at cocos and iam super excited lol.i need the money ohh soo bad cuz my bronco took a shitter,and now it needs a new engine lol so iam fucked.i saw this blue 1999 sunfire i really liked thou and i would kill to have!!

ive been taking nyquil every night for a week and i dunno know if iam even sick anymore lol.i might be a little adicted lol but oh well shit happens.

MISS CAROL taught me how to make font bigger and move on myspace lol i was super happy i learned sumthing haha!!

THIS FRIDAY IS MINE AND TINAS FOUR MONTHS YO LOL i need to do sumthing special for her but i dunno what yet!!!i still got time thou

i love tina anne jessup like whoaa

bite_to_break @ 2005-01-09T03:00:00

2005-01-09T10:17:13Z

wtf is up with this week.its been hell and i just want to get away from it all.problems like this just need to go away
.i wish i wasent like how i am but i guess this is how ill always be.i feel like i need some alone time but iam scared to be really alone for fear of what i might do.i feel weak,and i dunno how iam going to live my life always with this feeling in the back of my head.FUCK YOU MOM.why did u have to come back.why did u have to fuck up my childhood.why didnt u show me u loved me.why did u leave me hours on end.i never knew if or when u were coming back.why couldnt u just had stayed the fuck in jail.i hope your happy you made me like u.a fucking mistake.i wish i wasent born.i wish i had parents who really cared about me.i need a self implode button ur sumthing?

WHY CANT I 100% TRUST SOMEONE?WHYS WRONG WITH ME.WHY IAM I SO FUCKED UP AND WHY IAM I CRYING RIGHT NOW?WHY MUST EVERYTHING I DO FAIL?IAM I EVEN MENT TO BE ALIVE?IAM I THE JOKE OF THE WORLD,JUST A MISTAKE THAT WAS TO LATE TO ERASE.WHY DOES EVERYONE IN MY LIFE EVDENTUALLY LEAVE ME WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST??IS IT TOO MUCH TO FORGET ALL THIS AND FELL NUTHING.WHY DO THE LITTLE STUPID THINGS EAT AT ME THE MOST.WHY DONT I JUST KILL MY SELF?HELL I PROBLEY COULDNT EVEN DO THAT RIGHT LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE.WHY DO LITTLE MISTAKES BITE ME BIG TIME IN THE FUTURE?EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES WHY ARENT MY FORGIVEN?WHY DO I HAVE ONLY ONE PERSON IN MY LIFE THAT I KNOW ACUALLY CARES ABOUT ME?IF I COULD I WOULD SCREAM TILL I COULDNT BREATH?WHAT DID U MEAN WHEN U TOLD ME FOREVER.I WISH I COULD JUST GO ASLEEP AND NEVER WAKE UP.IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE ADMIT IT.....

i gave you a life time

2005-01-06T05:45:18Z

so today was hell..... .i have so much on my mind and its driving me batty.all i want to do is scream my lungs out lol.i hate this feeling that is in my heart.i feel alote better after i found out the truth and talked it out,but i still have this werid feeling in my gut and i dunno why?why did it have to be him.

bite_to_break @ 2005-01-02T14:53:00

2005-01-02T21:57:55Z

SO I MISS MY BAY-BEE OHH SO MUCH SO I WROTE HER A POEM LOL
--------------------------------------------------------
Time spent wishing I were more like you
The hope you give to me
And how I believe life is now worth living

You look so good today
Like everyday and tomorrows to come
I still don’t get how you feel for me

Forever and always
You know you have me in your hand
And just like the heart on my arm
You have me till the end of time

This is the promise I will keep to you
For all time

Every second I spend with out you
I spend wishing you where here

Oh my angel
You hold my heart in your hands
I’ve been dreaming of you all my life
So lefts fly away from what pains you
Because what hurts you kills me
------------------------------

tonight we dance,for tomorrow they release the dogs

2005-01-02T01:24:29Z

so last night was my best new years ever!!just being with my bay-bee was heaven!shes as sweet as pie lol.anyways me and her went to my older brothers house around 7 and hung out there with my brothers and shit.it was a good time.and unlike my last few new years there was no drama yay!i was happy thou i got to kiss my baybee when the ball dropped heheh.

so shes working today and tomorrow so i probley wont get to see her till like tuesday and it sucks so much.i miss her already and its only been a day.

so my new years revolutions are to work out more lol,to be a better boyfriend,and to tell my bay-bee shes gorgoues and i love her every single day this year lol!!

wide awake and dead at the same time?

2004-12-30T03:58:38Z

hmm so i havent updated in forever cuz i had nuthing important to say.lifes amazing i have the best girl friend in the world.i love her so god damn much,now being with her i know what love is.

well today we had a xmas thing with my family(my brothers,there wives and gfs,and my brother jasons kids)and it was the first time they had met tina and it went very very well.they all really like her and my brother matt said outa all my gf's he likes her best.i knew they would love her thou,i mean who would love my tinsey hahah?so we went to zia and i got the old every time i die cd last night in town and its kick as but not as good as HOT DAMN!

so tina works all day tomorrow(11 to 6 at the theater and 7 to close t baskin robins)so i wont get to see her so it really sucks much ass!but friday i get to spend new years with her at my bros house.good times to be made.

so my life has changed soo much in just a year wow.i hated my life last year and now i love everything about it,i have so much more self confidence that i thought i would never have..iam a better person and have the love ive always dreamed of...

love you tina anne jessup!!!#!@!@$$

only time will tell

2004-11-21T22:10:23Z

wow so iam 18 tomorrow?where has the time gone lol!so tomorrow at 7:30 iam going to go get my tattoo with tina and my mom lol.iam getting two custum nautical stars(green and black)with blue spider webs on them shaded in kinda.iam super excited but still alittle scared lol.anyways after that iam going out to eat with my babeeee and then tuesday is my family bday thingy?sucks i have to work wensday and thanksgiving thou but oh well its money.so i was thinkin and if the whole tattoo thing goes good iam going to get another one when i get payed.iam thinking a horseshoe on my chest(green) with lucky in the middle?maybe i dunno its a idea.?.?.

so when i was younger i had this idea in my head that when i turned 18 i would be taller and older looking lol.anyways iam excited about tomorrow and i hope i get to spend it with the ppl who i care about.

why?

2004-11-08T00:48:03Z

"Between Horns And Halos"

Looking out of a second floor window
Planning out my exit wound
She’s so overlooked
This slaughter will get hotter and its
early overdue…
Trying on a makeshift halo
Kissing on my exit wound
Knowing well that the farthest place from heaven
lies just right inside your room….
And I staggered off my love of love,
romance and valentine ways….
She felt so cold, so cold
She froze under the sheets while I slept all day…

She will sleep here
In between the cracks
Just a flower with a broken back
…Waiting for dirty water…
Did you sleep alright…?
She’s giving beat stares from being beat all day
Indian eyes in the American way

…Hail Mary’s and ale…..
A Hailed Mary that ails...

Making off with the evening gown of my darling
as she comes unglued
Leaving this trail of misery across my face
as it shot right up to the moon…

Looking out of a second floor window
I can feel me falling through
Back down to where she sleeps
Back down to her so shiny and so new

This jezebel is bleeding from a place
That can never ever be replaced

Hail Mary’s and ale...

bite_to_break @ 2004-11-04T15:19:00

2004-11-04T22:31:48Z

can u feel ur heart beat racing?
can u taste the fear in her sweat?
you have done this wrong its to far gone
--------------------------------------------------
so um life if is blah right now.ive just got alote of shit on my mind.the stuff going on with me and michelle is driving me nuts,one second she wants to be with me the other she leaves me for chris hmmmm.i dunno what i need to do,i mean i care for her alote but i cant go thought her leaving me again for him?why do i always give ppl so many chances even when they put me throught so much.

so halloween was tite got to hang out with tine,stacie and tiff so i had a amazing time being lame and not dressing up lol

so my mom has been flaking on me the last couple of weeks,like she will be at the apartment one second then the next shes back in globe for a couple of days without calling me letting me know what the fuck is going on.she had to pay liike 200 dollars at the apartment like 3 weeks ago cuz i had a party and she keeps using it aginst me as a gilt trip and its driving me batty!!

so on a light side iam 18 in 18 more days woop woop!!cannot wait,hope it turns out better then my last two bdays ie 16th(laura cheats on me leaves me for arron)17th(get kicked out skool and grounded for a month)lol.anyways i dont even know what i want.i think all i want is money so i can get my tattoo and some cloths and cds maybe?still dont know 100% what tattoo iam going to get but i got 18 days to think more about it lol

well better get back to school work later